A picture of what I want to be when I grow up.
Happy. This kind of happy.
Now, this one I'm going to go ahead and ask your forgiveness for this one ahead of time. I have been trying as hard as I possibly can to not write about Ram. There's been a lot going on, and I have wanted to avoid it. That and I pretty well overloaded this site with blathering about him over the last few months. It is my blog, yes, but I do like to take into consideration the fact that you lovely people actually read it, and I can't imagine it's super fun to read all the nonsense I spew here about it.
Having said that, this prompt, creating a playlist for someone, really could not have come at a better time for me. I realized, thinking about this one, that I have subconsciously been making a playlist in my head since I met him.
Here goes.
Tik Tok - Ke$ha: I know this seems ridiculous, and I can't help it. One of the clearest memories I have of you is Mardi Gras. You were the first person on the dance floor, and after we all joined you, this song came on. I'd never heard it, but you knew every word. Somehow, this has stuck with me. I can't hear this without remembering just how happy you were, how happy WE were that day. And we'd only just met.
Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice: This one also reminds me of Mardi Gras. It was one song in a line of oh so many that I knew. During this song, you looked right at me, with an absolutely perplexed look on your face, and said, "Really? Where have you BEEN?" I melted at that point.
The Way You Make Me Feel - Michael Jackson: On your first trip to visit me, we made a stop at Best Buy, looking for a copy of
101 Dalmations. We were walking by the new CD releases and you literally turned 180 degrees in your tracks. You picked up the "This is It" album, and kept walking without hesitation. As we drove around that day and the next, listening to this CD on random, this song came on quite a few times. I sat there and just kind of marveled. We'd known each other for just a short time, but I could already feel myself falling for you. You made me feel amazing that trip.
Bedrock - Young Money: I laugh every time I hear this song. While we were in the car together, this song came on. You turned it up and told me all about the grand plans you had with your friends to do a parody video of it. I don't think you ever made the video, but I'll always remember your reaction to this.
Again - Alice in Chains: Then you ran away. You ended things and broke me. You had weeks to think about it. And I was fucking angry, because I was caught off guard...completely blindsided. "Hey, you had time to think it out, yeah. Hey, your weak will won't help her heal her heart. Hey, I'll bet it really eats you up, huh?" You claimed it ate you up. You were a coward, a heartless, spineless coward, and you know it.
For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic - Paramore: "Well if you give up, you get what you deserve.....You were finished long before we had even seen the start. Why don't you stand up, be a man about it? Fight with your bare hands about it now..."
Running Away - Hoobastank: "I don't want you to feel sorry for me, you never gave us a chance to be...I just wanted you to tell me the truth, you know I'd do that for you." I asked you the hard questions. You never answered them. I still don't know the answers to them. Most specifically, why. Just....why.
Heart of a Lion - Kid Cudi: This chorus helped more than most things did. "You can't regret it if you were trying." I tried. I gave everything I could. I can't regret it.
Pursuit of Happiness - Kid Cudi: Honestly, this was all I could listen to those few weeks right after you ended things. You had shone, but clearly you weren't gold. And I did whatever I could to remind myself of that. When we finally started speaking to one another again, I happened to recommend this song to you. You could not, and still cannot, get enough of it. I don't think you'll ever realize what this song means to me when it comes to you.
Streetlights - Kanye West: "See I know my destination, I'm just not there." I worked on being happy again. I did everything I could think of. And it finally started to work. Finally.
Undo It - Carrie Underwood: "You had my heart now I want it back." And I've got it back, for the most part.
Then everything with the wedding happened. I'm just not even going to go into it. However, strangely enough, the timing was such that Kid Cudi was again by my side.
Ghost - Kid Cudi: "See things do come around and make sense eventually, things do come around but some things still trouble me....the people I've met and the places I've been are all what made me the man I so proudly am, but I want to know one thing? When did I become a ghost?" Is it really that easy to pretend I don't exist?
Blind - Ke$ha: Because you are.
From here on out, this playlist can only get longer. So very many songs remind me of you, and I find myself being unable to stop relating them to you, and part of me is actually unwilling to stop. Day after day, though, I get better. I know things will never be the same, and at this point, I'm not even sure we can be friends. Maybe one day. Then again, maybe it's better this way.
Create a
playlist at
MixPod.com
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is this? See here for an explanation.
